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What do you call a man when a Marine sits on him?
Answer: Submarine.
What kind of clothes do lawyers wear?
Answer: Lawsuits.
How does an octopus go to war?
Answer: Armed.
What do you have if an ax falls on your car?
Answer: An ax-i-dent (accident).
What color is a cheerleader?
Answer: Yeller (yellow).
What is in the army and is corny?
Answer: A colonel (kernel).
What animal has a chip on its shoulder?
Answer: A chipmunk.
What kind of bell doesn't ring?
Answer: Dumbbell.
What animal breaks the law?
Answer: A cheetah (cheater).
What is the opposite of the statement: \I am not leaving.\?
Answer: I am going.
What do ants use for hula hoops?
Answer: Cheerios.
What 7 letter word becomes longer when the third letter is removed?
Answer: Lounger.
What is a commonly used word that ends in T, contains the letters VEN and starts with IN?
Answer: Invent.
What can you always find in the middle of a taxicab?
Answer: The letter \x\.
If yesterday had been Wednesday's tomorrow and tomorrow is Sunday's yesterday, what day would today be?
Answer: Friday.
Paris starts with a \P\ and ends with an \E\. Explain.
Answer: Yes, Paris begins with \P\ and the word \ends\ begins with an \E\.
What sickness can you get from a mattress?
Answer: Spring fever.
Is the sentence \This statement is false\ true or false?
Answer: To be false, it has to be true and vice versa. It is a paradox.
What kind of jokes did Einstein make?
Answer: Wisecracks.
What would you get if you crossed a weeping willow with a nun?
Answer: A sob sister.
What kind of story is the \The Three Little Pigs\?
Answer: Pigtail (Pig Tale).
What has 4 eyes but can't see?
Answer: Mississippi.
What do you get between sunrise and sunset?
Answer: Sunburned.
What kind of clock is crazy?
Answer: A Cuckoo Clock.
How can you say rabbit without the letter \R\?
Answer: Bunny.
Rounded on a diamond.
Answer: Third base.
A part of a deck.
Answer: A Card.
Cool guy.
Answer: Snowman.
Select number.
Answer: A Few.
Head of France.
Answer: Tete
Reply to \knock knock\.
Answer: Enter.
Tree surgeon.
Answer: Woodpecker.
Home in a dome.
Answer: Igloo.
Site for Lincoln.
Answer: Five dollar bill or a penny.
Art supporter.
Answer: Easel.
Screened messages.
Answer: Email.
Plant holder.
Answer: Roots.
Reason for overtime.
Answer: A tied score.
Article for Webster.
Answer: The.
It may have quarters.
Answer: A parking meter.
Queen of mysteries.
Answer: Ellery.
What asks no questions but gets lots of answers?
Answer: A telephone.
Word for the doctor.
Answer: \aah\.
Ask a question that must be answered \YES\.
Answer: What does y-e-s spell?
Rapid transit.
Answer: A raft.
What is the best eavesdropper?
Answer: An icicle.
What is the best name for the wife of a lawyer?
Answer: Sue.
Ask a question that cannot be answered \yes\.
Answer: Are you asleep?
What is a good name for a wig?
Answer: Falsehood (false hood).
What instrument is bound to make false notes?
Answer: A Lyre.
What is the best name for the wife of a gambler?
Answer: Bette.
What is the coldest place in the theatre?
Answer: Z-row.
What is the easiest thing to part with?
Answer: A comb.
This is something that will tickle you.
Answer: A feather.
What food is absolutely no good until it's cracked?
Answer: Coconut.
What is the surest way to double your money?
Answer: Fold it in half.
What professional man generally works with a will?
Answer: A lawyer.
This man is always wiring for money. Who is he?
Answer: An electrician.
What smells the most in drugstores?
Answer: Your nose.
What herb cures all ills?
Answer: Thyme.
What keeps things cool at the ball park?
Answer: The fans.
Pull it, it's a cane; push it, it's a tent.
Answer: Umbrella.
What is mostly holes, yet is strong?
Answer: A chain.
There is a six letter word of which la is the middle, is the beginning, and the ending. What is the word?
Answer: Island.
What is it that no one can conquer?
Answer: Sleep.
What is the difference between here and there?
Answer: The letter \T\.
What is both inside and outside a house?
Answer: Front door.
What can't be burned in fire, nor drowned in water?
Answer: Ice.
What is the coldest country in the world?
Answer: Chile.
What teaches without talking?
Answer: A book.
What 8 letter word leaves ten when you take away 5 letters?
Answer: Tendency.
What country can you put on the table?
Answer: China.
What is a woman's favorite word?
Answer: The last one.
What do racecar and kayak have in common?
Answer: They are both spelled the same forward and backward.
When is this sentence true: There are eleven letters in the alphabet.
Answer: When \the alphabet\ is in quotation marks. (count the letters).
Why don't seismologists have many friends?
Answer: Because they're faultfinders.
This is the only type of cheese that is made backwards. What kind is it?
Answer: Edam (it spells \made\ backwards).
What kind of nails do carpenter's avoid?
Answer: Fingernails.
What is the only word in the English language that ends in mt?
Answer: Dreamt.
What part of a newspaper do angry people like best?
Answer: The crossword puzzle.
A woman was born in 1960. She is alive and well today, but is only 25 years old. How is this possible?
Answer: She was born in room 1960, 25 years ago.
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